it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
