ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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