Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
