omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
