so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
