redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
