so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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