Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
