i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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