you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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