I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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