bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
