1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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