Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
