we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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