Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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