Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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