why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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