He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
