i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She's the barista slut.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
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6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
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I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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