Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
