PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
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Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
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Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
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