Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
