I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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