Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
