I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
