I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize