The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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