haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
