Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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