I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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