Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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