I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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