dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
