im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
