The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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