His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
