I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
