I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Randomize
