why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
