My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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