I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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