I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
