it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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