OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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