Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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