Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Randomize
