im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
