dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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