Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
