when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I woke up under a house in Key West
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
