Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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