Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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