i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Randomize
