I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
porn star boner night. come get it.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
