oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
