i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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