Where did you get a picture of my penis
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
