If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
