just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
