We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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