I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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