I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
