lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
