I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
