alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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