my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
