So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
