yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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