I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
