haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
