Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
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