capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
