Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
