oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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